


Cookies and Crushes

by maria_j_harper



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, F/M, Sadstuck, Swearing, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-04
Updated: 2014-08-04
Packaged: 2018-02-11 18:42:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2078982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maria_j_harper/pseuds/maria_j_harper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remember when Roxy asked Jane for baking tips so she could make Dirk a special treat and properly confess to him, but it all went horribly wrong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cookies and Crushes

Your name is Roxy Lalonde, and you are not running frantically around trying to find the fire extinguisher. Nope, that is definitely not a thing that is happening. Shut up, you can live in denial if you want to! Your stove top is not covered in spilled sugar and charred-black cherries. Your frying pan is not on fire. Your fire alarm is not on the verge of waking the dead. Nope.  
You should have just called Janey in the first place, but nooooo! You were all: “I’m Roxy Lalonde, I’m great at anything to do with alcohol! I can swing cherries jubilee no probs!”  
Tell that to the fire department. Well... luckily the fire department is not really a thing you have to worry about, but the poor carapacians were probably asleep when the stupid alarm went off. You hope they’re not too worried about you.  
You eventually do find the fire extinguisher, and clean up the kitchen. Then you pick up your phone and pester your best friend. You have a few best friends, but you need her help, which makes her your bestest friend right now.

11:23 tipsyGnostalgic (TG) has begun pestering gutsyGumshoe (GG)  
TG: jane  
TG: jane  
TG: janeyyyyyyyy  
GG: Yes, my predominantly inebriated friend?  
TG: i need your halp  
TG: *help  
TG: i need to bak smothing  
TG: but I cnat do it on my own  
GG: Well I must say, you have come to the right girl!  
GG: But I must ask  
GG: Is there someone in particular who you are baking this mysterious something for?  
TG: ...  
GG: My sleuth sense is tingling Ro-Lal!  
GG: Who is to be the lucky recipient of your baking efforts? Tell me!  
GG: You know I’ll find out eventually.  
TG: it may or may noat be fro a cretan midter sterider  
TG: *certain *strider  
TG: *actly no cretans perf for him  
GG: ;:B  
GG: If he’s such a cretan, why are you baking for him, hmmmmm?  
TG: ong thas the cutest raisd eybrow emotvlin  
TG: *emitdon  
TG: *emorplob  
TG: typed sniley face thign i evra seem  
GG: Ro-Lal, you’re avoiding the question.  
TG: fin wel  
TG: ting is  
TG: i myaaa hav a teejsie bit o a crus on d-stri  
GG: Really?  
GG: I had no idea!  
TG: yea  
TG: war cna i say hes my kinsa guy  
TG: wit teh irony an teh way he gets all me joks  
TG: jakes fine as fyn can b but a lil 2 wite coller  
TG: noop im bordin the stri-londe ship now bfor it leaves the sore  
GG: I mean I knew you flirted with him all the time  
GG: But you flirt with pretty much everyone, so I didn’t think anything of it.  
TG: yea thas y i neef a big romanic gesder  
TG: liek backin him a sweet bitch o cookies  
GG: Consider myself and my baking expertise at your disposal.

Hours later, even more than you would think

The fourth batch of cookies has just left the oven. This one is not burned. Yes! Time to pester Dirk.

10:23 tipsyGnostalgic (TG) has begun pestering timaeusTestified (TT)  
TG: hayyyy moster striderrr  
TG: i got smutthing to tell u  
TT: hey rox  
TT: what a coincidence  
TT: there was something i wanted to tell you too  
TG: :o rlly  
TG: for realdies  
TG: k u go frist  
TT: ok thanks  
TT: i dont know why im having such a hard time saying this, but since youre my closest friend i figured that you should be the first to know  
TT: its about jake  
TT: i think  
TT: i think i have a crush on him  
TT: you there  
TG: yea jst has ti rein in my xciremint  
TG: *xsitememt  
TG: thas gret dirky jis grate  
TG: i cna see y  
TG: i men if you warnt aftra him id be all ovre tat hot englis ass  
TG: liek chicolat onna strawbrery  
TT: it feels so good to finally have someone to fucking talk to about it  
TT: thanks roxy  
TT: so what was it you wanted to tell me  
TG: rite  
TG: i mad smorting 4 ya  
TG: js ta say tanku 4 bein sich a god freind  
TG: i jut snet it 2 u  
TG: u get it  
TT: oh man cookies  
TT: you shouldnt have  
TT: are those real chocolate chips  
TT: fuck man where did you even get these  
TG: i tild ya i maid em  
TT: you seriously made me cookies  
TT: you are the best friend  
TT: it is you  
TG: u hab no idea  
TG: so tell me bout jake i want teh deets

Your name is Roxy Lalonde, and you are definitely not wiping the tears away with one hand, even as you play the supportive friend, typing with the other. That is definitely not a thing that is happening. You have not just used about half the kleenex box. The pillow you certainly haven’t been sobbing into is positively NOT completely dampened by saliva, snot, and mascara-tainted tears. You are not swallowing your sobs only so you can swallow some more brandy. Nope. Shut up, you can live in denial if you want to.


End file.
